The Choice to Draw Near

It has been a whirlwind.

One moment I was preparing for this next season of fundraising and making support calls. Then suddenly I was knee-deep in wedding prep, hosting a bachelor party across half of Ontario, and sharing the gospel on the streets of Hamilton. It’s been a full month of beauty, chaos, emotion, and at times, a struggle to find God’s presence through it all.

Week one was all about getting ready: casting vision, praying, finalizing plans, and even leading worship at a men’s retreat. In week two, I officially launched fundraising, saw around 25–30% of my support come in, and helped run an all-day School of Worship here in Hamilton. Week three was a blur of celebration. Mark’s Northern Irish crew arrived, we road-tripped from Toronto to Algonquin to Niagara, helped set up the wedding, and capped it all off with a stunning ceremony for Mark and my sister Brooklyn. This past week has been cleanup and recovery mode, with moments of deep joy as we saw salvations during street evangelism and had the opportunity to encourage people face-to-face with the love of Jesus.

But in the middle of it all, I began to notice something: the busier I got, the more apathetic I became in my faith. I had been in such a sweet rhythm with God, growing, leaning in, but somewhere along the way, time with Jesus started to feel optional. And the little time I did carve out was often spent fueling my apathy instead of feeding my spirit.

Satan’s great strategy isn’t always to get us to deconstruct our faith, it’s to make us apathetic. He knows that if our hearts grow numb toward God, he barely has to try. Often, the greatest threat to intimacy with Jesus isn’t the devil, but the good gifts of life. I had allowed my appetite for God to be dulled by my love of things like YouTube, sports, or even just spending time with friends. And these normally good things were stirring a subtle but dangerous apathy in my soul. The scary part? None of these things are inherently wrong or sinful. But I had let them become idols, things I turned to in place of God.

In the words of John Piper:

“The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison, but apple pie. It’s not the banquet of the wicked that wrecks our appetite for heaven, but the endless nibbling at the table of the world.”

James writes:

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.… Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4:4, 7–8)

I had begun to cheat on God with things that were not Him. My adoration and affection had shifted. My devotion had been diluted. God isn’t looking for part-time lovers, He desires hearts fully surrendered and devoted to Him. And we can only address these idols, and this apathy when we cultivate a heart that delights to dwell with Him.

Hunger must be cultivated. It is a choice.

Like the psalmist in Psalm 27 says:

“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”

We must learn to retreat into His presence, to step away from even the good, seemingly harmless pleasures of the world for a time, so we can rediscover the comfort that only comes from God. This is what we were made for.

When we come to salvation, we’re not only awakened to God’s presence, we’re equipped to abide in it. It’s like playing baseball. You’re handed a bat and glove and step onto the field. The Spirit revives us, gives us the right gear and the Holy Spirit becomes our coach. But unless we practice, we won’t grow. We must learn how to be with Him, how to listen, how to linger, and how to abide.

It’s in relationship with a God who looks down from heaven in love that everything changes. He just wants to be with us. He is the prize. The chief end. And anything that gets in the way of that, no matter how harmless it seems, needs to go.

We can have as much of Jesus as we want.

But the question is: will we take the time to be in His presence? Will we choose to cultivate hunger? Let’s make space for the presence of God again, not out of guilt or striving, but because we were made to walk closely with Him.

As I make this commitment this week, join me. Set aside time. Remove the distractions. Reignite your first love. Even ten intentional minutes of silence and surrender can shift something in your soul. This is the fight of faith, to turn our hearts toward Jesus when everything else is demanding our attention.

Jesus is worth it all, not because He makes life easier, but because He is life. And He’s not asking for performance. He’s asking for relationship. He’s already drawn near. Now it’s our turn.

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If you’ve been tracking with me and want to pray with me through this season, here are a few things I’d love support in:

• A deep renewal of personal hunger and intimacy with Jesus

• Continued provision as I fundraise for this next season of ministry

• That God continues to move powerfully here in Hamilton

• Clarity and direction as I continue making decisions about the future

If you'd like to partner with me financially, you can visit my https://camatywam.wixsite.com/thejourney/partner.

Also, if we haven’t caught up in a while, I’d love to connect in person. Shoot me a message! I’d be honoured to hear how you’re doing, encourage one another, and know how I can be praying for you too.

Thank you for standing with me. Your support, encouragement, and prayers truly mean more than you know.