Be Careful What You Ask For

This week we had Fiona Gifford with us, as she taught on interpersonal communications. If you read my last blog, you will remember that I had been praying for more oiktirmos, or the compassion and mercy of Jesus in my life. This week was a boot camp in learning how to have compassion and mercy on people, seeing them for who God created them to be. I was not ready for the uncomfortability it brought. 

Many people often think of interpersonal relationships as only something outside of ourselves, when in reality it first starts in our hearts. Baker & Gout say, “The first step towards effective communication with others is successful communication with yourself." We must learn to communicate within ourselves, as we allow the Holy Spirit to make our hearts tender (Ezekiel 36:26). To love and communicate with people effectively, and to be people of love we must first understand our heart and take responsibility for knowing ourselves, our God-given capacity, our thought life, our emotions, our behaviour, our communication, our strengths/weaknesses, and our spheres of influence. Once we come to a level of self-awareness we can truly understand our heart's motives, its preconceived judgements, and its faults. We then allow for this to happen we begin cultivating a heart that is healthy and understanding, as we come to learn the condition of our hearts. Is there unrepentance or unforgiveness in our hearts? Do we need to take responsibility for our actions? Do we need to put our emotions before the Lord? Are you willing to come to God with your full heart? 

This is not an easy process, this is a process I am continually wrestling with daily as the Holy Spirit convicts me and continuously asks me to step into a new level of surrender. Thankfully, God is there to meet us in this process, with grace and love, as He changes us into people of love; and fortunately, He has given us Jesus as our model. We can follow His example, as He continually sought the heart of the Father. He showed us the ultimate act of love, as He "emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross", Philippians 2:7-8. He shows us that there is a better way to love, and that is by "do(ing) nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others," (Philippians 2:3-4). To effectively love we must lay ourselves down, our preferences, and desires. 

Again, another level of continual surrender, that requires sacrifice and the willingness to let go of ego. Most importantly this requires vulnerability, as we learn to lay down our walls and to let people in. This is quite possibly the scariest thing in a relationship, letting all your guards down and allowing yourself to be fully seen by other individuals as you look to serve and love them. As difficult as this is, it is truly the only way we can receive love and love others. We must be open to being wounded. C.S. Lewis says, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” Vulnerability invites hurt, but it also invites growth and love. This is oftentimes why we assume and judge in relationships. We are terrified of actually getting curiously involved because it involves leaving our safety net. We must learn to enter conversations, with our hearts open to love. Change will happen one conversation at a time as we work to open windows, not build walls.

If I thought hearing this teaching throughout the week was hard enough, Fiona asked us to try numerous activation exercises that forced us to be seen by everyone in the program. There was no hiding. We had to sit for a few minutes at a time and stare into the eyes of another individual while asking the Holy Spirit to reveal His love for the other individual.This opened us up to not only feel God's love for others in a different way but also required us to take down our walls and allow the other person to see us and to speak life and love into us. As uncomfortable and difficult as this was, it was incredibly freeing and life-giving. It helped break many of the walls that had been built between us and allowed us to experience the love of God in a whole new way. It gave us the tools and a new understanding to take with us when we step into conversations on outreach and meet people who just need to be seen and loved by God. I pray that this is not only a teaching that sparks reflection, but a wildfire within my soul for others to be loved and seen by God.